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The bloody diamond

The bloody diamond
This is life

Welcome to the imperfect world

Welcome to the super-real world where survival comes first, much before the high alter preachings of excellence (for others only). So if you are the one who does not have to survive, or does not care - you have a choice not to remain here.

For others, please have a seat and take cover - here anything can happen anytime and you may just become a faceless co-lateral damage. Everything here is related to life and death, pains and agonies, treacheries and conspiracies, cons and deceit, treason and betrayals, despair and darkness - we just do not live in any perfect world.

BUT that is why the blog is here at all - let there be light. It aspires to show the way, to train myself and my friends in the defense against the dark arts. It is also related to hope and courage, renunciation and redemption, indomitable will and lust for life - the immortal battle with the dark side. Red flag fluttering in the gentle wind, all hands on deck, war cries in the air, daggers drawn, no quarters given nor asked, no hostages taken - we must fight till the last man standing

Rest assured, you are in good hands. These hands, with all the talents or the lack of them, with all the liveliness and the inner brooding, with the over-sized ego and the extra-ordinary humility, with all the goodness and the devilish designs - have been war veterans - they have fought for decades in the battle of survival.

Happy surviving




Love in blood

Love in blood

The inescapable war within

It is the curse of the human that we are constantly at wars. War with the Government, society, family, spouse, children, Boss, peer, friends, neighbours. Some of these are overt, some crude, some plain enmity but some are subtle, some barely palpable, some low key and guerilla types, some are cold as razors, some are dry like the funeral pyres.

Most of these cannot be own with force or when you try for winning - sometimes you have to lose to win them. Some are more like trials than wars, they never show the faces, never let you see their pimples, just shadows, the kafkaesque faceless executioners take over.

For all these, we need inner strength, we need strategies. Sometimes the objective is survival, sometimes it's plain escape from the random blades, sometimes the heady delight of beheading the enemy. Sometimes it is sheer joy to be alive, sometimes happiness comes over from a walkover or just a walkaway, without even a careless looking back. Often it is a mixed feeling - the agony, the ecstasy, the brutal orgasm or a complete disenchanted detachment - a shelter in the NOW. They sometimes need courage, need cunning finesse, sometimes ruthless lack of values of a son-of-the-bitch, sometimes daring flamboyant recklessness, maybe even stoic nonchalance. But the best of the best generals in the wars of life, always win without unnecessary bloodshed or even none of it at all.

But the most painful and fearful of all these wars are the ones with oneself. It could be a conflict between mind and heart or even the soul that holds our values dear. And this is one war that always hurts, always wounds, always bleeds one dry, always keeps one awake through the fearful night with the shadows of the beautiful lacey curtains blowing in the gentle wind and making shadows of our most intimate fears within. It is like a nation under seize, and alas, there is no escape. When you will kill yourself softly, no survival strategy ever works.



Saturday, January 31, 2009

Ways of Managing

(Unlike many others, I never treat my blog as a place to dump all bullshits I can find elsewhere, but a friend has sent a nice anecdote that really deserves to go in. Enjoy - Sudip)

•MANAGING BY WALKING FASTER THAN THE EMPLOYEES - These managers you will always see in the corridor, ten steps away. "We'll have to talk" you can hear them say, just as they disappear round the corner.

•MANAGING BY STARING OUT OF THE WINDOW - These managers you usually meet with their backside faced to you with their hands in their pockets. When you talk to them, their thoughts keep staring out of the windows.

•MANAGING BY POST-IT'S - Some managers forget everything. They want to impress you with their 'busy'-ness by continuously writing on Post-it's while you are talking.

•MANAGING BY DELEGATION TO THE SECRETARY - These managers just delegate everything to the secretary. If he is good, He knows what she must do.

•MANAGING BY KNOWING NOTHING - These managers don't really know anything at all. They let YOU give answers. Meanwhile they fill the time with nice anecdotes of irrelevant cases.

•MANAGING BY CONCEPTUAL THINKING - These people try to explain the present from a theoretical view of the far future. The idea that this never will work, completely satisfies them: They will always have something to talk about.

•MANAGING BY HIDING INFORMATION - Information hiders are aware of the market value of information kept strictly secret. You must be very thankful to get any information at all. Beware of stimulants from category “Knowing nothing”!

•MANAGING BY DOING EXACTLY WHAT THE BOSS SAYS - These managers prevent their bosses from creative thinking. Else they got more work to do.

•MANAGING BY WALKING ONE FOOT BEHIND THE BOSS - In hierarchical organizations you can watch those groups walking in the corridor. The more equal managers are directly followed by the lesser equal managers, and so on.

•MANAGING BY SMILING AND WEARING NICE SUITS - If you drink beer with them, lunch with them, smile to them and also wear nice suits, nothing can stop your career anymore.

•MANAGING BY MEETINGS - These managers are always seen in the meeting rooms, planning about future, getting irrelevant bullshit lectures and ideas from trusted subordinate managers, and taking them seriously, till next meeting.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Expectation Management - a key to survival

We all have our expectations – from everything and from everyone. When they are not met, we have disappointments and when they are exceeded, we break into ecstacy. Going between these two extremes, we lose the control on our feelings. Have you ever thought of balancing your expectations against what is reality and what you actually deserve, so that you don’t hit the wall on either side ? Do you give a serious thought to what other people expect from you and how to you go about meeting those ?

When I was in College, one day some of us were chatting and the discussion veered to the expectation of one from his spouse. One girl excitedly talked about the nasty attitudes of men in general. I asked her to narrate her expectation or rather wishes about the qualities of her dream man. I made a list, a cameo, in my diary while she went on. It was like this (my comments in the bracket) :
• Tall dark handsome (bullshit, “fo guck” yourself in the mirror)
• Rich (like an industrialist or his son)
• Highly educated (like a scientist)
• Glamorous – optional (like Salman)
• Loves luxury (like corporate Bosses)
• Powerful (like the IASes)
• Kind and considerate (like Mother Teresa)
• Humorous (like Mehmoud or Bhanu)
Rest are all optional, like regularity in life (like a Professor), security (like a Govt. servant), time (like a Govt. clerk), will give me space (like a busy Doctor), will share all (like a henpecked housewife)

Finally I popped the golden question. Even if someone like this exists, what can he expect in her dream lady and do you deserve him ? He will also have fantastic expectations and will ask himself, when married to a geek like you, “Do I deserve her” ? So, why don’t you try to achieve, acquire the virtues that deserve these qualities from a spouse and will even command respect ? This kind of expectation often leads to an unbalanced view of himself/herself and leads to one-sided insecurity that is often the main source of sexual and emotional blackmail.

It is almost like the people (BA fail and salary 5000/-) asking for “forsha Prokrito sundori” (fair and really beautiful) girl. Expectations are often unrealistic and unfair at first, at the lack of any open and honest self-assessment, changing slowly as they grow more mature.

Expectations are powerful as they touch deep emotional chords and affect our personal dreams, agendas, values and most importantly our relationships i.e., they can control us and our feelings altogether. Usually the power of expectation is beneficial but often it can put somebody in such groovy realms of possibilities that can take away the happiness of survival. Our own unrealistic expectations are as much culprits as this is of others.

Expectation, unlike a dream or desire, often has a tendency to run away if not controlled properly. It also varies with Time, place and the Actors. Expectation varies from the same husband on after a year of marriage and after 10 years of marriage, as he has changed and the expectant has changed also. Even their relationship has changed.

Expectations are situation-dependent too. Expectation form the same husband can vary on the same day when he is reading the morning newspaper and when he has come back home after a binge of drinking with the chums.

Expectation also depends upon the state of the relationship. This is because it is also dependent on the level of fulfillment of the expectation of the person from whom the expectation is arising. A husband who is tired of non-fulfillment of his own expectations will react differently than when he had the hopes of fulfillment of them.

The level and magnitude of expectation itself varies, growing with each fulfillment and reducing with each non-fulfillment. It is a good practice in terms of survival to keep the level of expectation low initially and also not to let the expectation about you to be high in the beginning. Disappointment often comes just because of too high or unrealistic expectation. One of my ex-Bosses had been very disappointed one day when I failed to properly execute one job given to me. It was not important that the particular job was very difficult or that I was doing it the first time or that I had sincerely tried it and even probably deserved some credit for what I had done, as his expectation from me went on increasing for a long time and even was converted into a sort of reliance by the time. It was important that however good or bad I was, I failed to match the expectation.

To manage the expectation, one should try to keep some element of surprise about himself and not give away too much of information too early. If on the first day you start blabbering about your singing, the first day itself when she will hear you sing, she will most probably be disappointed as by that time she must have had built up a good level of expectation. While we should try to manage expectation mainly to cover ourselves against other’s disappointments, it is always a very valuable practice to under promise and over deliver that will lead to that WHOW or ecstacy.

It needs an open, considerate and sensitive mind to understand the expectations around him in the first place. Mostly, they remain unsaid and even covered deep down. To delve into somebody’s mind, to understand the opposite party’s need vis a vis his/her expectation, need a mind and even more, a soul. You will have to “walk a mile” or more in his/her shoes to understand the pain of that blister and what he/she thinks you should do.

Managing them is altogether a different ball-game. To manage expectation, the major steps should be to
• Capture expectation
• Monitor expectation
• Influence expectation
• Set expectation
The whole process is iterative and a journey, rather than being a destination.

To manage, one should connect to them and formally keep written dossiers of what he thinks are the expectations on him (the other party seldom talks about them, they are not dreams or desires, remember). But still communication is the key here and you try to be and stay as open and frank and honest as possible under any circumstances. This will probably help him to understand the direction all his well-wishers would want him to take and how he can handle them. For a completely dynamic and abstract substance like expectation, even this will probably help to manage up to 20% of it. best of luck

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

My dear students - experiment with the truth and my ethereal shame

To lend from the oft-repeated Kautilya, “even the devil has to be given his dues”, as otherwise all notions of fairness and credibility go away. So, when I gave away a bewildered face with a bemused surprise and disappointment at my ratings (6.4 & 5.7), I found out the ratings provided. While many have given even 9 or 10 with some objective and some superlative comments, I found out some students have given 1 or 2 in the parameters (well, I just think of the heavenly fun they will have when they will give a marks of 11 /100 or 15/100 if they ever will become Professors, IF) with comments that borders on allegations of unfairness and favoritism, e.g. I used to give lifts to some students in my car to their homes or that I used to smoke cigarettes with some students or drank tea and chatted with them (good thinking, all these, only as a practicing manager for many years I always thought it’s Group-D territory). Logically, the charges of taking bribes or sexual harassments could be the next?

I take a bow to their judgments if they were taken regarding my teaching aspects, and my efforts in the extra mile I always thought I should walk for them. But something tells me that may not be true. Firstly such a completely polarized rating range talk of severe bias and a ridiculously low rating on all parameters show a complete lack of objectivity. When I finished my classes after 7 on one of the days in the week, some students often approached me for a lift (the only people I myself had offered lift at any time were my fellow Professors and a SSD), should have I said No ? And friendly ? That I always was and to everybody (including the rickshaw-pullers, as I had mentioned in the class in a theoretical context) as a rule, till I am reproached in some manner (when I turn brutally aloof and selectively blind).

I took out their marks to double check and found out
1) The top 20% is a random mix of people from all, as we say, caste – creed – race – religion – sex – province – language etc.
2) None of the guys I gave a lift in my car has made to the top 10%
3) The most incorrigibly talkative of them all had still made grade A
4) One of the toppers had a serious fight with me in the class. Another guy had shouted on me regarding the rules and my choice of judges in a Presentation type case study had made grade A
5) One of the guys who got 90+ has never even spoken to me or greeted me or even recognized me outside the class
6) I, as I had decided earlier, have given 10% extra marks to everybody than I thought was due and had to resist, defy and bypass the general marking guideline to do so
7) Attendance, or rather the real snapshot of it, played a factor or a parameter. This is not the old India that the NRSs (Non-resident students) should be the super-class citizens

Unfair ? Vindictive ? Playing favorites ? I bow to the judgment. The tell-tale signs of a tall tale is that there is always more to the tale that you can tell yourself . People can get away with anything when they are paying, but what will happen when they will be paid ? Somebody showing this kind of mindset in a corporate setup will not last a week and the men will be separated from the boys there. However, I have seen the office-assistants and the cleaning people discussing a lot of issues like this in the pantry and other sacred places. We know it all along and never have any special expectation over the Group-D thought processes.

Some people never understand the real issues and why do someone get less marks. I have seen people who may be good but has always tried to remain a part of the paint on the back wall in the class, speaking 0-3 sentences in the 34 classes I took. It is not enough to be good, it must be demonstrated also. I, who is still a student, have felt numerous times in my life that I should have got a bit more marks, but at least I was still not stupid enough to presume that the examiner had something personal against me. I always knew after my schooldays that I am lacking somewhere, in the knowledge or the expression or the technique of delivery – to get any marks lower than the topper. Some students try to oil them, but any good Professor worth his shirt will consciously avoid any bias towards them. Some students always tried to hog the limelight even at the time of the case studies, but at least that shows their intent participation. If somebody remains merely a physical presence, I have no way of knowing he is with the case or is really at Nolbon at that time. The wisdom or rather the religion of Zombiehood do not make any special mark for the impression. Professors are ought to be impressed with some characteristic, and a management student must know it in the strategy class.

In the west and the good institutes like IIM-C, I have seen Professors are very friendly and approachable while elsewhere I have often seen them more aloof and distant. In fact, when I have seen my colleagues and friends (who are Professors in different colleges and Institutes) giving their marks, I have secretly thought them as insensitive. Now I know on which side of the fence they are.

Ultimately, at the end of the day, I know that it‘s my failure. I hang my proud head in ethereal shame that months of my passionate lectures on strategy could not do even the simple job of changing a mindset or the thinking pattern. What sins did I commit to not deserve this?

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Win or lose ? – My personal Game theory of relationships

How do we decide if it is a win or loss ? This is another dumb characteristic we show all the time. In most of the affairs we always try to measure the outcome in terms of the game theory. This is probably the single-most important reason for so many failed or miserable marriages around us (I consider myself so lucky to have and to get so much love to and from my wife for the last 14 years, not considering the 4+ years of affair we had before that). It is a strategic view that the other party also has a big stake and unless forced, they also do not want to rock the applecart. Everyone wants to be happy, in their own way, and therefore has at least an equal stake as you or more. If you can’t control your ego, you deserve counseling, not a trophy.

The questions are pertinent. Do we really lose or win when one lets the other win ? Do we really win when we go for the kill and then realize there is no cup to loot, that has been destroyed in the fire of the war ? Do we really lose when every strike I make on her, my soul writhes in pain, turning and twitching in the grave ? Do we lose when you let her win, masquerading your real intent to lose, putting up a brave fight that was designed to lose - with the glory and that fantastic smile at the end of it ? Remember that you do not have to really lose every-time as your partner, if equally drenched in proper attitude and strategy in life, will try to do the same and often you can humbly accept the win without even losing the medal ribbon. In theoretical calculations, you can expect to be served with it half of the time. In empirical formula, if you are a guy, expect to have it once in 5 times.

It is strange that how most of the parents could see life from a close quarters as to try to teach their children the value of fair competition rather than trying to win (you must become the “first” – is what they tell while trying pouring the curse of their own failures in the small shoulders). They don’t teach how to be a good loser, how to be majestic in losing, most importantly, the distinction of the business and the personal (I will dwell on this topic another day), which shows the different facades of life and how to handle them. Success does not mean you have to win everywhere. The biggest strategy in relationships, which is probably the most important possession in life, is to be very empathetic to other people, their wants, likes, dreams, happiness, disappointments, despairs, frustrations – every feelings. You must understand that everyone is carrying his own cross and they need your encouragement and help, if possible, not your sarcasm and cynicism. Things, more often than not, does not go right with them and they simply cannot be at their best self all the time. Somebody who can lay her life for you, can be rude to you at times, when the time is not right. It is a nice habit never to judge other people. You must weigh their actions, surely, but putting yourself at his shoes. Ask yourself how would you have reacted if you were under the kind of pressure she is in ? In relationships, you should have a nonchalant aloofness to the smalls and slights. Carry on with all these things with an outsider approach. Do not remember the day your mother died “ or was it yesterday ?”. Fight only on important issues, that too giving out a long long rope. Ask yourself whom are you fighting with ? Use the wooden practice swords, this is not a gladiator fight. And never, I repeat, never ever bring the old issues. It brings a bitterness that is difficult to heal. Choose your words. They can create or open up wounds that no doctor can heal. In any fight, in any relationship, never cross a line that is forbidden – that can hit the relationship itself rather than the issue at hand.

This was my standard strategy for a long time. In relationships, I love to lose and invariably feel every-time like having the big shining medal on my own craned neck. The strategy comes in the way you lose. You must not show that you wanted to lose in any case. You must put up a brave fight, but always fire with the empty rounds, always using the shining tin sword, the blunt side of it and give the match away. The charade gives away the love and care with which you deal with your beloved people. You don’t have to molest a nice girl who has spent hours in trying to make herself even more beautiful, but give her an appreciating glance at the least. It will be a lethal blow of insult if you didn’t even try.

Lastly, this is not an universal truth. After you cross the sacred line of 95%, there is a different me waiting – the King lording over his undisputed areas with brutal firepower and ruthless personal force. There is no lion queen, no innocent cubs, no loyal ministers, no obedient subjects who are immune from the inflexible rule of the heavy sword in this small but absolutely private territory. The limit applies to anybody and everybody. After you draw the line with enough clarity and ruthless passion, take my word that you won’t have to even unsheathe your sword very often. They will know. In response to a question from an important relative (just became one, by way of a marriage in the family) of ours about how I am, my wife replied (translated) “like Shiva. very cool & serene, jolly and rarely gets angry – but when he is, doesn’t even care for Yama”. When she reported this later, I knew that even a strong-willed lady like her, will not cross the line when she sees one.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Other people’s reaction is mirroring yours ?

Most of the people are like mirrors in dealing with others. The 80-20 rule also applies here. Only 10% people are really and unconditionally very good and 10% people very bad in the same way. These people generally do not waver or veer towards the other side of the fence by external stimulants. But the rest 80% are like mirrors and are only frustrated, doubtful or bitter when they deal badly with people, not because they are of the “type”. Everybody has to bear his own cross and in the process, mostly the people with lesser mental strength or faculty, even forget to smile at the complete strangers on the street. The insecurity associated with our lives is the key then as I have seen most people in UK, considered a reserved race in these things, doing it in the streets? Partly maybe, but the rest is upbringing and mental mould. The most important thing is that you behave nicely with people and they will do that, in 80% of the cases. You be very good to them and the same set will just be that to you. People generally expect very less from other people, as they are normally tuned in our society, and when they get very good and genuinely nice behavior, particularly the people who do not get much respect from other people, will come out that extra mile to be even more nice to you. This is my lifetime experience.

The fast and the dead

The fact that the biggest billionaire blowup list post-meltdown consists of mostly Indians
http://in.news.yahoo.com/48/20090101/1238/tbs-anil-ambani-lost-30-bn-in-2008-forbe_1.html
should not surprise anyone as India provided the maximum new billionaires in the last few years. This does not necessarily mean that the country's economy was doing any superman act, but it certainly means that the top schemers of the country were skimming the tops off the gullible like us. The way they were creating the hype about the stock market and the kind of premiums they were being able to command on the shell or phantom or just baby companies with no assets or tracks (and probably no business case even) like Reliance Natural resources and Reliance power were scams in themselves in their own class. Having worked in the Merchant Banking sector in the past, particularly in the Issue Management area and after actively being in the markets for nearly 2 decades, it simply does surprise me that SEBI or CLB or the Govt. (most of the major parties and Ministers are in their payroll anyway) did not try to stop this menace and actually were claiming credit. The Indian Band is playing - rise up, gentlemen.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

A decidedly dangerous provocation

There is always a hook, line and sinker
sadly, for an analogous dumb thinker
who falls for it, then wakes up and sits
back up in retro, do a large bit of tinker
with the decision, then let it go, for the bait
is too small for the pure Gangajal drinker