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The bloody diamond

The bloody diamond
This is life

Welcome to the imperfect world

Welcome to the super-real world where survival comes first, much before the high alter preachings of excellence (for others only). So if you are the one who does not have to survive, or does not care - you have a choice not to remain here.

For others, please have a seat and take cover - here anything can happen anytime and you may just become a faceless co-lateral damage. Everything here is related to life and death, pains and agonies, treacheries and conspiracies, cons and deceit, treason and betrayals, despair and darkness - we just do not live in any perfect world.

BUT that is why the blog is here at all - let there be light. It aspires to show the way, to train myself and my friends in the defense against the dark arts. It is also related to hope and courage, renunciation and redemption, indomitable will and lust for life - the immortal battle with the dark side. Red flag fluttering in the gentle wind, all hands on deck, war cries in the air, daggers drawn, no quarters given nor asked, no hostages taken - we must fight till the last man standing

Rest assured, you are in good hands. These hands, with all the talents or the lack of them, with all the liveliness and the inner brooding, with the over-sized ego and the extra-ordinary humility, with all the goodness and the devilish designs - have been war veterans - they have fought for decades in the battle of survival.

Happy surviving




Love in blood

Love in blood

The inescapable war within

It is the curse of the human that we are constantly at wars. War with the Government, society, family, spouse, children, Boss, peer, friends, neighbours. Some of these are overt, some crude, some plain enmity but some are subtle, some barely palpable, some low key and guerilla types, some are cold as razors, some are dry like the funeral pyres.

Most of these cannot be own with force or when you try for winning - sometimes you have to lose to win them. Some are more like trials than wars, they never show the faces, never let you see their pimples, just shadows, the kafkaesque faceless executioners take over.

For all these, we need inner strength, we need strategies. Sometimes the objective is survival, sometimes it's plain escape from the random blades, sometimes the heady delight of beheading the enemy. Sometimes it is sheer joy to be alive, sometimes happiness comes over from a walkover or just a walkaway, without even a careless looking back. Often it is a mixed feeling - the agony, the ecstasy, the brutal orgasm or a complete disenchanted detachment - a shelter in the NOW. They sometimes need courage, need cunning finesse, sometimes ruthless lack of values of a son-of-the-bitch, sometimes daring flamboyant recklessness, maybe even stoic nonchalance. But the best of the best generals in the wars of life, always win without unnecessary bloodshed or even none of it at all.

But the most painful and fearful of all these wars are the ones with oneself. It could be a conflict between mind and heart or even the soul that holds our values dear. And this is one war that always hurts, always wounds, always bleeds one dry, always keeps one awake through the fearful night with the shadows of the beautiful lacey curtains blowing in the gentle wind and making shadows of our most intimate fears within. It is like a nation under seize, and alas, there is no escape. When you will kill yourself softly, no survival strategy ever works.



Thursday, April 23, 2015

Survive from burning down the small bridges

Let me tell you a telltale story first. A small happy bridge was there in the deep mountains somewhere, on a small river. Just as the other mountain rivers, this was mostly harmless but at times, a very dangerous river. And the bridge was happy to lay down itself, for anybody who cared to pass, over the troubled waters. Only thing, it expected a little tip, as a mark of gratitude. Nothing wrong in that, all waiters expect 10%, you can even give 15% or more if you are happy, a small price for a smile which is often hard to define. Big bridges don’t care for a tip, they always have the high toll gates erected over the clouds and force you to pay your obeisance at high rates. So, one day a beautiful courageous dashing Prince came in a white horse, but he was a little mean too. The bridge jumped in jay and laid itself on the small flow of the waters. The Prince laughed at the river, crossed the bridge and bade goodbye. The bridge smiled, of course there is a smile for every situation in life, and said nothing. After a few months, when the Prince was coming back after rescuing the beautiful Princess and the monsters were in hot pursuit, he reached the bridge again and was surprised at the fury of the river. The bridge smiled in a melancholy way with the sound of silence, laid himself down on the troubled waters but not fully. His one hand remained to his cheek. The Prince galloped to the end of the bridge to find there is a small gap, had no option but to give a jump but could not clear by a whisker. The furious waters took them away.

You think I stole another fairy tale? No, I just cooked it up, just to make a point. People don’t expect much, but usually remember a slight, even if they forget what all you’ve done for them, for gratitude and beauty erodes faster than all other things. When a small crucial service is needed, they open the old ledger book and make the double entry of the open issues. 





For all my minuses, I always hated meanness, it’s simply uncharacteristic of me as a leo. But a few times, I remember ruefully now, when I was much more stupid and immature, I was mean at small things with people which had later cost me very dearly in terms of crucial and critical junctures in my life when for a little support, I could have paid 100 times of the small amount I was mean with, but alas, the bridge had already been burnt and the damage done cannot really be un-winded in life.

We are usually very careful about the big bridges, often to the point of reverence if they are that big, accepting the lordship meekly and even happily. But in many critical junctures of life, when the two roads will diverge in the yellow woods, you will see that the decision on your fate will simply hang on a word of a small bridge. Just like the interviews, most critical decisions on your life, will be taken by other people, often uncaring and even disinterested, just like those parole committee members in tailored suits in the Shawshank redemption who did not care about what you said. Just like the interviews, your life will hang on a cliffhanger on a 5% probability, as that is often the maximum difference between the people whose named are being considered and only one will be selected for the lifetime opportunity. In those crucial times, when the monsters will be after your hot ass and the Princess, you will find that a small word form a small bridge will tilt the balance of the game, believe me, I am an experienced victim who only has himself to blame.

When I see the stupid and the careless immature people burning the bridges rather than parting with a small tip, I sigh inwardly, and alas, you cannot turn the clock back.

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