Survive from a bad picture - yours - Part 1

It surprises the hell out of me that a resume, or curriculum Vitae (CV) as is commonly called, is neglected so much in the whole process of job search. While helping my wife’s HR consulting business temporarily, I get to see hundreds of CVs, of mostly MBAs, and never cease to be amazed. People send all kind of CVs, bogus – childish – stories – evidently untruthful – big claims – unreadable - unprofessional or simply downright ghastly. Some are so plain Jane, that no HR professional will give a second look at them to find out more. It is said that they scan one in 30-70 seconds and reject it or reads it the second time.

While my wife is in horse-trading, the business of reins should not have been our concern at all. But in a business in which sees the clients see the reins first and decide to look at the horses, we simply could not have a Nelson eye, otherwise our business will suffer because an otherwise suitable qualified good candidate may quite be simply screened out just because the CV is a trash. What a waste!! A CV is supposed to be the key to the door, no more and no less. After the door opens, you get a chance to go and give the Amitabh Bachchan like dialogue or Amrish Puri like smile or a Malaika like jhatka, but what if the door is only painted on the wall ?? !!

Remember the movie where the Hero gets a perfumed ladies handkerchief and falls in love with the girl whom it belonged to?? He made all sort of images in his mind how the girl will be and etc. etc. In the same way, a good CV has another very important job, that is to make the interview irrelevant in a way a true blue ocean strategy makes competition itself irrelevant. First impression last forever and one gets only one chance. One Must create a solid first impression – must put the best foot forward – not the lame one. In the business of giving an interview, image management is everything and that killer image (“Mere paas Ma hay”) can only and only be transmitted through a CV ! When a candidate will go thro’ the door, the interviewer should already be half-dead in lust, and should only need a slight push to commit suicide, no persuasion please. He should only need a confirmation of the image he has got and nothing else, he is already hanging on the cliffhanger.

But still, alas, the guys who expect too much too early and much more, never ask the question why they should get all those. The complain – constantly. Why the C-grade Institute (that never really made any bar in entry and never had any quality control on the input students except the paying capacity) is not getting them plush and plum jobs (also the corner office, where they can sit in the strong AC and do facebook all day) when they had paid so much money? They blame everybody – Institute, placement office, HR guys, faculties, job market, International recession etc. etc. and never gives a thought why these companies pay the consultants so much money to find out the right people for them. They never find out if they should be taken by any company at all?? By knowledge – by application – by attitude. I know because I have taught a lot of them and are simply hopeless about 95% of them. It’s not that they have less intelligence, many of them are also talented in different ways – it is usually always the attitude that spoils them to this degree. There I blame a lot of people – parents, Institutes, University, education system, faculties. Everybody is out on a race to get the most at the minimum of effort and determination.

These 95% – the main trouble is they don’t want to learn. They want to pass, by hook or crook, no textbooks please and the read-a-subject-for-exam-in-a-night (like Matrix companions) are the norm. They dream about the IIM kind of salaries and have no idea the kind of intense grinding they go through. I went mad when we were in IIM-C for a year in Strategic Management. Every afternoon, totally exhausted, when we used to go back to the hostels, we were used to be told of the next days 5/6 Case studies by the Program Director’s Secretary (we always felt like murdering her by drowning in one of those famous 7 lakes in the campus and if she was not attractive, we probably would have done it someday). Then we were awake with the cases till 3 or 4 in the morning, and came back at 9 sharp. These people, in contrast, makes a revolution if they are given a task, tries to make a team of 10 if given a small project. Most faculties in most private Institutes are evidently sub-standard (in tandem with their sub-level salaries) who never had read a case study themselves. University is full of corrupt people who think exam is a formality and everybody should pass to avoid any hassles and give questions from Matrix only. The height is that nobody cares, because then the rich Institute owners will give the cash awards, under the table. The only thing these 95% care about is why they are not being “given” a plush job.

Coming back to the CVs, a few we get are pretty good (in fact, one we got recently, we asked that guy 5 times where from he made that CV and he insisted he himself wrote it and finally confessed that his elder sister is in HR and is a pro in this field), some are OK which we do not disturb and some which need slight change that we quietly make on our own even without asking them. After that, about 40-50% remain which are of the “Must be changed” status, for which we ask them if they will take the paid service, and most people disagree and say No (we say shit and submit the CV as it is) and some cautiously ask the rates and some readily take the service. We see that even many candidates in the HR side, simply can’t make a proper CV and we wonder what picture they are providing of themselves.

A CV is a snapshot of a person, 2 flat pages focusing on the relevant highlights of 20 / 25 / 30 years of his /her life and throws a composite image. If you really do not look like the photo given here, then why you give that picture through your CV? And then expect that you will be called for an interview?

While people spend a lot on the beauty parlors for facials and other services, they do not get their CVs professionally made. They are smart, and smart people do not waste money, right? So they spend it on beers, restaurants, girlfriends, ipods, other numerous gadgets and endless funs – except their snapshot for the purpose that they constantly cry and supposedly try – a nice job