Survive from the failures failing you

 

What is success? Getting 99% in an exam, which has become a joke in any case? Couple of years ago, the first boy in the state secondary exams (10th standard) with more than 99% marks rued in front of the reporters that he is not happy about the 4 marks he lost. In a true educational system, his crown should have been taken away, for he doesn’t deserve it. One who thinks he is perfect in everything, is a real stupid. 

Many years ago, I went to meet the Principal of a very renowned school in Kolkata, floated by a person I have extreme regards about. I have never seen him but heard a lot of stories about him. Way back in the Seventies, he came back from England and took over the administration of the school founded by his father and very professionally changed the face of the school, bringing excellence in the school education for the for the first time in Kolkata, just what Pranoy Roy did in the Election reporting on TV, in the nineties. When I was chatting with the Principal, a lady teacher came up with an answer script, told it is urgent. The Principal asked to be excused and attended her. The issue was if the student can get 100 or not. They went over the full answer script with high focus, finally found one sum where the student had jumped a step, cut half marks for it and made the score 99. 100 is only for the total perfection, she explained to me. I was speechless and very very impressed.   

Success is getting in the IITs? IIMs? Civil Service? IIT exam is the most widely held toughest exam, as after the +2 level, the student community get largely divided. Is that the destination, or just another path to the destination? Then why do so many students commit suicide in the IITs?

 Few years ago, I spent an evening chatting to a very renowned Psychiatrist, Dr. Deb, who was a member of the team given a 6-month assignment to find a solution to this suicide menace, by Prof. Damodaran, the then Director of IIT-Kharagpur. Dr. Deb explained, take a boy from any particular school, good or bad, of the about 5000 schools in our state. Take that each school on average has 3 sections, making it 15000. Then 15000 students become first, in any particular exams. Usually 2/3 or max. 4 students compete for this position in any class, though in half the cases it is seen, someone has made it a habit to become first and they are purely focussed on that aspect. That makes it about 7500. These students, at least 40% of them i.e. 3000, don’t want to think about or do anything else, they can sacrifice anything else in life or any other joy, or even relationships, just to hold to this position. They are often very jealous types, selfish definitely and become sort of neurotic in the constant fear of losing their no. 1 position. Out of this 3000, nearly 98% at least will definitely give all they have for the IIT seats and the survey tells us hardly 250 (from this state) actually reaches there, beside 50-100 dark horses, which is 8%. 200 among them do not get the branch of their dreams or the IIT of their choice, being severely unhappy from the word GO. Then if one of them find himself at the 58th position in a class of 60 (mind it, nearly 90% of the students used to be the first guy in their respective class or section almost all their lives, except a few dark horses), don’t you think he is a fit candidate for suicide?

Another trouble is that, these students are usually pampered all their lives till now. They get habituated with the awe-struck glances of their family, neighbours to the teachers often, and no end to adulations. They get tuned to that kind of treatment, and know that they have the world at their feet. SO when they find themselves “not so special” in that crowd, get bullied by the smarter guys, look stupid among the crowds having fun because few other students look like God and talk like the devil and become the heartthrob of the girls, they suddenly feel that the ground under their feet have moved. Often, some of them are bullied, trolled or just develop inferiority complex (to which they are just alien actually) because they are from the village schools and are not fluent with english-speaking. Sometimes, coupled with a heartbreak by a girl, one of them may just feel like he has been running the wrong alley all his life, till now. Now, he is a perfect candidate for suicide.

This is my own experience also. I have seen some people, whose life generally goes in a straight line, not like the roller coaster rides like me and a lot more. They may be 1% of the people, but they are much more visible naturally, than the ass of the statistics suggests. Because they are usually habituated to getting things easily, any turmoil or resistance can shake them in an earth-shaking way. The people like me, who are fighters and survivors, slowly pick up a different kind of mindset and approach towards life. Even on the middle of the dog’s life, we know and expect that someday, the dogs will also have their day. We patiently and hopefully wait, while fighting the battle for survival, fully knowing that the battles lost are battles lost, not the war itself. Napoleon, who did own 57 of the 60 wars he fought had this same feeling, when he was in Alba?  “Able was I, when I saw Alba”?

Next time you take your children to enjoy the fries at KFC, tell them that Col. Sanders had to approach 1009 shops or cafes to find the first person to agree to buy his franchise. Just close your eyes, and think of the huge patience, courage, conviction, determination, passion and perseverance that were need to approach the next guy after 1008 rejections over a period of three long long years.  

Or when you take them to the Disneyland or see a Disney movie or even a Tom & Jerry show, tell them that Disney had to go to 321 bank branches with his project file, in 2.5 years or more, before a bank manager took his dream project seriously. He was completely broke and cold, but used his dreams to keep him warm, used his dreams to hold him strong.  

Neither of them committed suicide in the middle of the war, nor did I, who has had many failures in his dream projects till now.